Danielle’s Grad School Update: Month 4

6 January 2011.  TalentEgg Incubator.

I think I was a little bit too cocky the last couple of months, because December pummeled the crap out of me.  It was like getting a kick to the (proverbial) balls.  If you recall:

I almost cried in their office.  I had never been told I was a poor writer, even during the first year of my undergrad. This made me concerned that there would be no possible way I could pursue a PhD.

• September was pretty easy.
• October was not as easy, but still relatively stress-free.
• November was  manageable.

So what happened?  Term papers.  Horrible, dreadful, soul-crushing term papers.

Now, you’d think that these papers were especially long, or on ridiculously obscure topics assigned by my professors.  Not true.  Both were less than 20 pages (so lengths I was used to completing during my bachelor’s degrees) and both were on topics I developed myself (and topics I was excited about, I may add).

After I left the relative safety of November, I developed a considerable amount of self-doubt, which caused a bad case of “the block”.  Consequently, it took me a long time to start the writing process. It was an intense battle, but I managed to power everything and hand in my papers on-time (but barely, I was down to the wire both times).

As soon as I finished writing, there was no rest for the wicked: it was on to marking my students’ term papers, and following that, their exams.  That was the second (and third) battles I had to conquer in as many weeks.  50 or so hours of marking later (and 10 hours before my flight left) I was free (for 13 days)!!

But for a lot of the time I was home, I was worried that what I handed in was dreadful.  And I had just cause to do so: I happened to run into one my professors a couple of days before I left, and they said although I had great ideas, my writing needed considerable work.

I almost cried in their office.  I had never been told I was a poor writer, even during the first year of my undergrad. So, needless to say, I was worried and anxious that I was going to end up with an awful grade.   This made me doubt my abilities even more, and made me concerned that there would be no possible way I could pursue a PhD.

However, just before New Year’s Eve, both of my grades were posted.   Although I did not do badly, I’m still not quite satisfied with my marks; I could have done better on my papers and, as a result, better in the courses overall (but remember, I’m a keener).

What is most important is what I can take away from all of this: I know now I need to start writing earlier in the term, and one can’t subsist on pizza and energy drinks alone (everyone needs sleep eventually).

Despite everything, I managed a major accomplishment: I’m one-quarter of the way through my masters and the upcoming term is looking good.

Danielle’s Grad School Update: Month 3

7 December 2010.  TalentEgg Incubator.

Three months in, and I’m starting to get a hang of thingshere.

But November was still a very difficult month to be a (relatively) new graduate student.

Sleep became negligible.  Insanity may have ensued.  On one of my students’ papers, I left a comment saying, ‘Good fork.’

For some of my peers, both in my program and others, November was an awful month: they questioned why they were in grad school, why they were in their programs, or if completing a masters was what they should even be doing in the first place.

November was the month when graduate advisers saw a lot of tears.

Thankfully I didn’t have those kinds of doubts about what I was doing, but other things came up regardless.

In addition to dealing with the stress of friends and classmates, there were threats of three unions on campus potentially going on strike, including the one I am part of as a teaching assistant.   There was also a debacle about student fees that was publicized in national media.

It was also Movember.   Facial hair is pretty distracting.

So although I had a good handle on my school work and continued doing well grade-wise, it was still a stressful month.  Being a TA proved to be a steep learning process.

My students handed in their first papers this month, and that was definitely an experience I was not prepared for.   Each paper was around four pages each and took me an average of 20 minutes to mark.  I had 49 papers to mark, which according to a conservative estimate took me slightly over 16 hours.  In actuality, I think it was closer to 20.

It really felt sometimes like there weren’t enough hours in the day to mark, eat and do my own work.  Sleep became negligible.  Insanity may have ensued.  On one of my students’ papers, one of the comments I left was, “Good fork.”  I found a new appreciation for the people who had to mark anything I ever submitted.

I expected that I would feel much different about marking papers than I did.  Not only was it  incredibly time-consuming, but there was no cathartic ending to the ordeal.  Although there was the power-trip element (mwahaha!), when my students earned low grades I felt terrible.

Luckily, one of the second-year masters students in my program gave me a great piece of advice: we’re graduate students because we were the keeners in our undergraduate classes.  What was considered an acceptable grade for us may have been an outstanding grade for others.

Despite this, I still felt bad giving marks I would not have been pleased to have received myself.  At the same time, it isn’t fair to give students an A for Effort.  Apparently I’m a bit of a hard ass. But I hope that creating a clear marking rubric and a detailed list of expectations will allow my students to do better on their next papers.

Speaking of papers, I’m starting to write my own.  My term papers, in fact: 20 pages of well-researched arguments that will hopefully change the world. Or if that isn’t feasible, at least get me a good grade.  My bedroom is a mine field of book towers among a few piles of unwashed clothes.  But who needs clean clothes?

Although I am a huge nerd who actually likes school, sometimes I think the best part of my program is the people who are in it.  I have made friends with the people in my program, and many of us are going through the exact same things (research frustration, fighting with our sleep patterns).  We hang out before and after classes as well as in our free time.   My personal cohort is especially amazing, but the second year masters students and the PhDs are pretty cool too.

Other programs on campus are jealous of our camaraderie.   And at this point, I’m happy to rub it in their faces a little bit.

Danielle’s Grad School Update: Month 2

17 November 2010.  TalentEgg Incubator.

You know that old adage, “Time flies when you’re having fun”?

Well, it flies when you’re in grad school too!

In October, I noticed my academic work started to kick up a bit.

Homework in the average week consisted of 100-150 pages of reading for each of my seminars, 5-10 pages of French translation, up to 75 pages of reading for the students I TA for, and planning lessons for my students.

In total, this takes me between two and three days to complete.

I was also given my first large assignment, which was the proposal for one of my term papers.  It needed to be between six and eight pages, and consisted of my research objectives, a review of literature, an explanation of the theoretical framework, a description of the methodology and methods, and a provisional outline of the paper.

Almost the entire time I was worried that I wouldn’t do very well, but when I got the proposal back, I did fine.

Except for the part where I spelled methodology wrong.  Oops.

As part of my degree program, students have to pass a language translation test in French or an indigenous language.  Since my knowledge of Ojibwe and Mohawk is rudimentary, I decided to enrol in a translation class to try to remember the French I learned in Grades 4 through 10.

Unfortunately my program only offers the test twice a year.  I decided to take the test anyway, because the worst thing that could happen was me failing, and I would be able to write it again in the spring.

For the test, you are responsible for reading a French academic article and writing an abstract in English.  You are given two hours and can use a dictionary.

I chose (we were allowed to pick one article out of three based on the topic they were about) “Éléments de Pensée Politique Autochtone Contemporaine” by Dalie Giroux.  For some reason I didn’t think the article was going to be as long as it was, and I definitely was not used to reading a text that was anywhere near this complex (we were reading much simpler stuff in my French class).  But I wrote my abstract, and submitted it for marking.

A couple of days later I found out I passed!  I then promptly dropped the French class that helped me pass.  I plan on keeping up with reading in French, but I can’t seem to get a copy of La Stratégie Ender (but I to do try to read French news online!).

Not everything that happened this month has been academically-based, though.  I attended meetings for the council and caucus I sit on, and helped plan two separate Halloween parties.

I was also fortunate enough to see The Honourable Justice Murray Sinclair, one of the commissioners for the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, speak about the impact of residential schools on Indigenous people in Canada.

My partner came for a visit, so we decided to act like tourists.  We took a tour of the Parliament Buildings, went to the Royal Canadian Mint and lifted a bar of gold (they’re really heavy!), looked at the National War Memorial, the Valiants Memorial as well as the Champlain Statue, and went to Gatineau to go to see the Canadian Museum of Civilization.   It was all a lot of fun.

What’s up next?  November means (even) more work and marking papers for the first time.  And, knowing me, probably an adventure or two of some sort.