How to survive living with your parents for the summer (or longer)

"How to survive living with your parents for the summer (or longer)", May 19 2009

The academic year has drawn to a close and many students have moved back into their family’s home for the summer (or maybe longer for new grads).

For some, this time causes no conflict. But for many of us, moving back in with our parents can be difficult. Being away at school has changed our relationships with our parents, siblings, friends, neighbourhood and even pets.

Although there are some downsides, student living is awesome, for the most part, because we choose how to live. We decide what to eat, when we come home each night, who comes over and when they leave. These choice are usually different than how we lived at school and our parents may not agree with how we live your lives … and this causes conflict.

So what can you do to make it work?

Talk to your parents

You’re an adult now, so if you want your parents to have mutual respect for you, you’ve got to act like one.

Find out what your parents expect of you. For example, maybe your parents can agree they don’t care when you get home, but you have to call if you’re going to stay out past a certain time. Ignoring these expectations will only cause your family to treat you like a child again. Your rebellious teenager days are supposed over, remember?

And there will likely be similar rules which need to be discussed: Can your significant other sleep over? Can they sleep in your bed? If you’re still underage, are you permitted to drink alcohol in the house with their permission? When is it too late to play music loudly: 9PM? 11PM? Never? What time should guests leave the house?

There may be multiple rules you must follow, or you may be incredibly lucky and not have any at all. Regardless of the number of rules, there are certain tasks you should do while living at home to illustrate how university helped you grow up.

Help out

For example, if you drive the family car, fill up the gas tank. No one likes getting into a car with an empty tank. It’s sort of like leaving an empty milk bag in the fridge.

Volunteer to help around the house by doing the grocery shopping, cooking a meal once a week, washing the car, mowing the lawn, weeding, etc. It’ll show your parents you can take initiative in helping the family, and that you’ve matured while away at school.

Be smart about your money

If you have a job, think about paying rent. It will teach you how to better budget your money and, again, illustrate how you have matured. 10% of each pay cheque is a reasonable amount.

If they don’t need to put toward the household expenses, ask your parents to put this money aside for you to be used when you move out, decide to buy your own house or go back to school.

Choose your battles wisely

You will not see eye-to-eye with your parents about everything, so if you have a strong opinion about something, talk to them about it calmly. When you’re discussing something with them, have solid rebuttals to back yourself up. Acting like a child will only cause your parents to hold their position more. The key to any relationship, no matter who is involved, is compromise.

If all else fails, keep in mind it’s only a short-term arrangement. If you’re waiting on a meaningful job to move out of your parents’ house, keep clicking through the Incubator for great career advice!