So if you’re Not Doing Anything, and I’m Not Doing anything…Maybe We could… Relationship Advice: How to find a date

"So if you’re Not Doing Anything, and I’m Not Doing anything…Maybe We could… Relationship Advice: How to find a date", October 2007

At the moment, I am somewhat baffled. I have gotten a lot of response from my recent article on Dating Ideas. A bunch of people have since messaged me asking how to get themselves a mate. I don’t really know what to say exactly here, but hopefully I can be of some help?

Be yourself. That is THE single most important thing, I think. If you pretend to be someone other than who you are, it will backfire. Also, you would want someone to like you for who you are (as well as accept your faults); and if they can’t do that then there is no point in wasting your time on them. Do not compromise yourself for the sake of someone else, EVER! People vary for a reason. We aren’t living in Oceania and the year is not 1984.

Be social. That is probably the easiest way to meet potential mates. You are probably more likely to be with someone that you common interests with. Thus, join a club, a sports team, an organization, volunteer, go to concerts…anything. Then, mingle.

I would however like to interject. I don’t recommend meeting a potential mate at a bar/club. You’ve been drinking, they’ve been drinking, and I find the whole situation kind of sketchy. Then again, that’s me. I’m not the kind to dress like a skank and be objectified. Please, talk to my face and not my breasts.

Talk to the person you’re interested in. Unless they’re a jerk, they will say something back to you. And if they don’t, again you’re much better off. Talk about something related to the activity you’re doing together (see above). Conversation can build as you get more comfortable. Facebook and MSN can help too; you can use these to foster conversation if you’re really shy about doing it in person. But I must warn you, make sure the person knows who you are before you add them! Otherwise it’s a little bit stalker-ish and somewhat creepy.

I would also like to say, don’t go out purposefully looking for a partner. I personally find it really weird when I overhear people say that they’re going out specifically to look for a mate. That and you may be putting weird pressures on yourself and settle for someone that really isn’t adequate. I really think if something is meant to happen, it will occur naturally, and forcing it will cause it not to happen.

That’s all I can really tell you, unfortunately! I don’t know how to hit on people. I don’t know witty pickup lines. This is what has “worked” for me in the past (and I guess technically the present?).

I’m somewhat shy and awkward; if something is going to happen I try and let it run its course naturally (although admittedly somewhat impatiently!!). Everyone I’ve ever had a relationship with I met through doing something I enjoyed, and didn’t put on any sort of act. I don’t dress to impress; I’m a roll out of bed half an hour before class starts kind of girl. The me you see at 8:30AM is the same person you’ll see at 9PM that night (except hopefully I will have bathed by that time…and put on something other than yoga pants and a hoody, and maybe if you’re lucky some makeup. The skate shoes however will very rarely be something different).

Good luck everyone!

And one more little tidbit of advice: be wary of smell. Obviously, no one likes the smell of body odor (so please bathe often), but putting on a half a gallon of perfume/cologne is also incredibly offensive to the nose.